I have had depression for many years now. It is coupled with anxiety and panic attacks. I know that there are a variety of reasons for depression. It can be caused from environmental reasons or for physical reasons. For me, it is both. I need medication for my depression. I also need therapy for it. I have been taking medication for longer than I have been doing therapy. Therapy is more difficult for me. It's easy to take a pill every day. It's not so easy to talk to someone about all of the problems going on in my life. It makes me feel like I'm a loser - like I can't even take care of myself. I feel like I can't do anything right - not even the simplest things. It seems that everything I do is wrong and that everyone is watching me do it wrong and blaming or judging me. I don't know how true that really is - but that's the way I feel.
This weekend I also felt like my own family just didn't want to be around me. There was a dance and singing thing in Belle Plaine and all of my sisters were there. I texted them wanting to know if they were going and if so what time they were going - and never got any response. Then I see posts on Facebook that they all went and had a great time. So what is so wrong with me that they didn't even want to spend time with me? Yeah - I know - they were busy - they didn't get my messages - they figured that I would be there...blah blah...I know that if I would have gone and noticed one of them missing, I would have called to find out where they were...they didn't have the same courtesy...
I know that it's just me - that I could have gone anyway - that I really had no excuse not to go...but it would have been nice if they would have at least noticed that I was not there...I already feel worthless enough...
It's been a rough couple of weeks - okay months - at school, as well. I had a student leave school because his mother thought I was mistreating him. He was in time out one day when she came to get him and he was surrounded by me, the principal and the counselor. He had been throwing things around the room and trying to climb tables and bookshelves and we were trying to keep him safe. Mom didn't see it that way, though. She literally told me I was a horrible teacher and that I shouldn't be teaching.
I have also been getting in trouble because I have been missing so much time at work. I had severe headaches for awhile and missed because of those. I understand - but can't help when I can't even concentrate, let alone teach when these headaches were happening.
I guess I'll stop for tonight...and I will end on a good note...I have had so much response for my summer school program that I will have to have two sessions! I shouldn't be too surprised - it's free - but I am excited!